May Spouses Live Separate and Apart In The Same House Before Filing for Divorce?

Under Virginia law, it is required that spouses live separate and apart for a period of either six or twelve months(depending on whether there are minor children) prior to finalizing a divorce. Maintaining separate households for this time period can be a strain on finances for many couples, particularly in today’s economy. Fortunately, the law does not require establishing separate residences, only that the parties live “separate and apart”.

How To Establish Separation In The Same House

There is no rule in Virginia divorce law that must be followed to live separate and apart under the same roof. The burden of proof is on the party (or parties) seeking the divorce to present evidence to the court which indicate the separation. This can be proved by any number of facts, but below are some ways that may be helpful:

• Sleep in separate bedrooms, or if only one bedroom, have one party sleep on the couch. Time sharing the bed is permitted, so long as the bed is not shared together. Do not eat together as a couple.
• Do not engage in any romantic or sexually intimate activities. Stop wearing wedding rings, no gift giving, no hand holding, no kissing, and no intercourse.
• Perform your own household chores and do you own shopping. Cook and clean for yourself; do your own laundry.
• Separate your finances. Open separate checking accounts. If you have joint bills, such as a mortgage, send two separate individual checks. If only one party has an income, write a monthly or weekly check to the other party for them to deposit in their own personal checking account.
• Do not go to social functions as a couple; if you attend the same church, drive separately.
• Tell your friends and family about the separate living arrangements. Have them stop by from time to time to observe the separation.

Having minor children, particularly small children who may not understand, can complicate matters somewhat. It is alright to have occasional meals together, especially for holidays, their birthdays and special occasions, for the benefit of the children. You may attend meetings together with teachers, doctors and counselors, and also attend your children’s social events, like piano recitals or baseball games, but you should take separate transportation; and if possible, do not sit together.