In many divorces, the most contentious disputes arise over child custody and child visitation. These issues are often close to the heart and fights can erupt that no amount of counseling, advice, and negotiation can settle. While most parents want the best for their children, during a divorce parents may lose sight of harmful behavior that they display in an effort to “win” custody of a child, or to scorn the other parent for his or her role in the divorce proceedings. A vicious and destructive pattern of behavior can arise from the combination of heavy emotions, serious frustrations, and control.  This pattern of behavior is called parental alienation syndrome, and it should be stopped as soon as it is detected.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a behavior of one parent that involves manipulating and bullying the child so that he or she ultimately “picks sides” with that parent over the other parent. It is a set of behaviors that are both harmful and damaging to a child, and can eventually destroy the child’s bond with the parent that the alienating parent is targeting. Parental alienation is often used as a tactic by the alienating parent during a divorce or separation in order to harm the other parent and turn the child against the other parent. Parental alienation can include these behaviors by the alienating parent:

·         Telling the child that the other parent does not love the child;

·         Telling the child that the other parent does not want to spend time with the child;

·         Hiding communication from the other parent from the child (i.e. letters, telephone calls, etc.);

·         Acting hostile towards the child if the child does not want to spend time with the alienating parent;  and

·         Empowering the children to act as they please.

What can a Court do about Parental Alienation?

According to a lead parental alienation expert, there are many things that courts have the power to do when it comes to parental alienation during a divorce or separation. Courts are in the best position to stop parental alienation when determining the issues of custody, child support and visitation matters. Courts can prevent one parent from using procedural tactics to promote delay and further alienation, for example denying continuances in high-risk parental alienation cases. Courts can also order children and parents in therapy, and can appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to oversee the child and report to the court.

In the Virginia case Canedo v. Canedo, the Court of Appeals of Virginia ruled that a mother who was using gross tactics—including manipulating the child into believing that her father had sexually abused her-- to alienate the child from the child’s father was to have supervised visitations with the mother.  This is one example of how the courts can intervene in serious cases of parental alienation.

Parental alienation is a serious issue that can damage a child emotionally and mentally, and can break the bond between a child and the targeted parent. If you are seeking to get a divorce in Virginia, you should immediately get in touch with an experienced family law and divorce attorney. Contact Garrett Law Group, PLC, today for a confidential consultation.

Child custody disputes can be some of the most contentious, bitter, and difficult legal battles in family law. The issue of child custody is deeply personal and can touch on a number of additional issues, such as whether one parent is fit to care for the child on his or her own, whether the child will be safe in the home of one parent, and, in some cases, whether there are other factors, such as sexual abuse, that must be addressed by the court. In Virginia, child custody issues are generally determined by the family law court. However, allegations of sexual abuse by one parent against another may bring the issue of sexual abuse before other courts. It is important for Virginia parents to know the basics of how child custody issues are resolved, and how an allegation of sexual abuse may affect their custody rights.

Child Custody Disputes in Virginia

In general, under Virginia law both parents have equal custody rights of a child unless there is a child custody order that mandates otherwise. Whether the parents of the child have been married or not, the general rule is that both parents should have equal access to the child, unless one parent files for a child custody order.

When one parent files for a child custody order, the court will look to many different factors in determining the final child custody order. The factors are meant to guide the court in determining the best interests of the child. Under Virginia law, the wants or needs of the parents are not meant to guide the court in determining child custody. Only the best interests of the child are a matter for the court to consider.

Code of Virginia 20-124.3 lists the factors that the court must consider. These factors include:

• The relationship between the parent and the child;
• The age and physical and mental condition of the child;
• The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;
• The role that each parent has played in the child’s life, and will play in the child’s life in the future;
• The needs of the child, including the need to have relationships with other siblings, peers and other extended family members.

Again, these factors, and many others, will determine custody or visitations arrangements between the parents.

Child Custody and Sexual Abuse

Another factor that the court will consider in determining the best interests of the child under Code of Virginia 20-124.3 is whether there is a history of family abuse or sexual abuse. At the outset, if one parent makes allegations of sexual abuse against another parent, serious restrictions on custody or visitation may be ordered by the court after the child custody hearing.

Additionally, if one parent makes sexual abuse allegations against another parent, criminal charges against the parent may be filed. This means that the issue of the alleged sexual abuse will be before both the family law court and the criminal court.

Thirdly, if one parent alleges sexual abuse by another parent, Child Protective Services may become involved. Child Protective Services may file a petition in the juvenile court if it believes that the child is now unsafe in the home.

Allegations of sexual abuse by one parent against another can severely affect the accused parent’s custody and visitation rights with the child, and may subject the parent to criminal prosecution. If you have been accused of sexually abusing your child during a pending child custody dispute, or if you have been criminally charged for sexual abuse of a child, you should immediately seek out an attorney. Contact Garrett Law Group, PLC, today for a confidential consultation.

About Anneshia Miller Grant

Anneshia Miller Grant is a family law attorney in the Virginia Beach office of Garrett Law Group, PLC. She has years of experience representing clients in the courts of Virginia Beach, Norfolk and surrounding areas.

Under Virginia law, it is required that spouses live separate and apart for a period of either six or twelve months(depending on whether there are minor children) prior to finalizing a divorce. Maintaining separate households for this time period can be a strain on finances for many couples, particularly in today’s economy. Fortunately, the law does not require establishing separate residences, only that the parties live “separate and apart”.

How To Establish Separation In The Same House

There is no rule in Virginia divorce law that must be followed to live separate and apart under the same roof. The burden of proof is on the party (or parties) seeking the divorce to present evidence to the court which indicate the separation. This can be proved by any number of facts, but below are some ways that may be helpful:

• Sleep in separate bedrooms, or if only one bedroom, have one party sleep on the couch. Time sharing the bed is permitted, so long as the bed is not shared together. Do not eat together as a couple.
• Do not engage in any romantic or sexually intimate activities. Stop wearing wedding rings, no gift giving, no hand holding, no kissing, and no intercourse.
• Perform your own household chores and do you own shopping. Cook and clean for yourself; do your own laundry.
• Separate your finances. Open separate checking accounts. If you have joint bills, such as a mortgage, send two separate individual checks. If only one party has an income, write a monthly or weekly check to the other party for them to deposit in their own personal checking account.
• Do not go to social functions as a couple; if you attend the same church, drive separately.
• Tell your friends and family about the separate living arrangements. Have them stop by from time to time to observe the separation.

Having minor children, particularly small children who may not understand, can complicate matters somewhat. It is alright to have occasional meals together, especially for holidays, their birthdays and special occasions, for the benefit of the children. You may attend meetings together with teachers, doctors and counselors, and also attend your children’s social events, like piano recitals or baseball games, but you should take separate transportation; and if possible, do not sit together.